solo introvert vlog

There was a time when shopping and going to a cafe by myself felt unbearably uncomfortable. I know those sound like small things. For me, they weren’t. I’m an anxious introvert who moved to a foreign country, and being willing to do something uncomfortable doesn’t make it comfortable straight away.

After nearly two years of filming solo outings, I feel much more confident. Going out alone still isn’t always easy, but I now find filming in public more embarrassing than doing the actual activity. That feels like progress. This day in Canterbury was a chance to do things I enjoy, without pretending that I don’t also love staying at home.

Watch the video on YouTube.

Shopping without an audience

Shopping is one of the easier solo activities for me because so many people do it by themselves. Going in and out of stores or trying things on doesn’t make you unusual. That helps when my brain is busy insisting that everyone is looking at me.

The changing-room lighting didn’t help the clothes, though. You’d think shops would want you to look good enough to buy something, but neither of the things I tried on was nice. Sometimes the fun is in looking. If I can’t be bothered to try something, I also take a picture and look it up online later to see whether I still want it.

Flying Tiger was harder to leave. I love its weird little bits that I don’t need, especially the glassware, mugs, plates and tiny bowls. I found myself trying to invent uses for them. I resisted for the moment, although I wasn’t ruling out returning before the day was over.

I had a more definite purchase to make at the Moat Tea Rooms. My girlfriend’s birthday was coming up, and I wanted loose-leaf tea to add to her present. My own favourite is their vanilla black tea, but I chose a passion fruit and orange fruit tea for her because it sounded interesting. A successful bit of shopping.

A cafe, with nothing to hide behind

I love cafes, and I think of going alone as having an easy mode and a hard mode. Bringing headphones, a book or a notebook gives you something to do. Going with nothing means sitting with your drink and enjoying being there.

I chose hard mode that day. No music, no distraction, just the time itself. The white chocolate and blueberry blondie was divine, and afterwards I felt sleepy and soothed by the chocolate and hot drink. I’d thought about getting lunch too, but the blondie left me full enough to head home instead.

On the way to the cafe, I also saw Canterbury’s cathedral gate after the scaffolding had come down. It had been covered for what felt like forever. I loved the colours on the shields and thought they’d done a beautiful job.

Painted heraldic shields above Canterbury cathedral gate, with carved stone arches below.
The coloured shields on Canterbury cathedral gate, after the scaffolding came down.

The rain held off, and I had a good day doing the things I actually like. Shopping and a cafe might not sound like an adventure to someone who has always been comfortable alone, but I could feel the difference from how difficult those outings used to be.

The point is being able to choose

I don’t want going out alone to depend on whether somebody else is free. At the Victoria and Albert Museum, I once noticed an older woman having lunch by herself. She looked completely at ease, and I remember thinking that was who I wanted to be.

Museums have become one of my favourite solo outings. I can choose what to look at and spend as much or as little time on it as I want. I’ve also been to the cinema alone twice. Buying snacks still feels a little strange, but once the lights go down, I can watch the film I wanted without waiting for someone else to want to see it. Nobody else eats my popcorn either.

Home is part of the day

Enjoying an outing doesn’t stop it being tiring. Being an anxious introvert can drain me even when I’ve had a wonderful time, and I want a balance between going out and doing the things I like in my house.

Back home, there was laundry first. My partner and I have divided the chores, and I picked laundry because I don’t really mind it, even though it never ends.

Then I made an iced coffee with some of the instant coffee left from my taste test, adding sugar-free vanilla syrup and milk. I’m still experimenting because it’s weaker than my usual cold brew, but it tastes pretty good. A drink, crochet and true crime on the couch make an A-plus evening for me. I’m not going to apologise for loving that part too.