ask a foreigner

Why was I living in England? My partner was English and from Kent. That was the reason I had moved here, and the reason I was in this particular part of the country. When I answered viewers’ questions in November 2021, I was approaching six years of building a life in the UK.

By then I did feel at home, for the most part. I had not always thought that would be possible. There were still situations that made me very aware of being a foreigner, but there were also ordinary things I could do comfortably that would have terrified me when I first arrived.

A train ride and a favourite cafe

When someone asked what I felt proud of, I thought about a recent trip to meet a friend for coffee. I caught the train to a town I really liked and went to one of my favourite cafes. I knew how to get there. I felt confident navigating the journey, and I knew where I wanted to go when I arrived.

That sounds very simple, and it was. It still felt empowering. I could remember being absolutely petrified when I first moved to England. Now I was comfortable taking trains to other towns, meeting a friend and choosing a coffee shop I already knew. Reaching that point made me proud.

Public transport was one of the things I appreciated about my own life here. Even outside London, I could get around on buses and trains, sometimes taking a short train ride to the next town. Where I came from in Ontario, that had not been an option in the same way. I liked having these journeys available to me without treating every outing as something that needed a car.

Feeling at home did not make friendship automatic

Making friends was a question I received repeatedly. I found it hard as an adult, and being a foreigner added another difficulty. At that point I no longer worked in an office. I worked from home, so nobody was going to find me sitting in my kitchen and become my friend. I had to go out and make an effort to meet people.

I wanted to make more of that effort in the coming year. The previous year had felt like a write-off for socialising, and I knew new friendships would not necessarily happen organically while I stayed at home. This was a goal I had in 2021, rather than something I could say I had already achieved.

A wedding I had recently attended brought out the other side of it. The couple had childhood friends and college or university friends around them, talking about relationships that had lasted ten years. It was sweet and special. It also made me sad. I did not live in the same country as my childhood, school or college friends any more.

I could see people with strong friendship groups and support around them, perhaps after spending their whole lives in one town. I did not have those same ties here. Maybe I would one day, but I did not have them then. Feeling settled in England did not erase the relationships I had left in another country.

Other Canadians had helped when I first arrived. I made quite a lot of Canadian friends, and we understood what each other was going through. We could commiserate because we knew the experience ourselves. By this question-and-answer video, all those friends had gone back to Canada. I was still here.

Staying longer was a hope, not a settled answer

I could imagine continuing the life I had built in the UK. I hoped I would stay longer. At that stage, though, my visa had an expiry date, and wanting to stay was not the same as having everything sorted. That was part of my situation when I answered these questions.

I also did not want to rule out going back to Canada or living somewhere else. I wanted to stay open to new experiences. I felt lucky that home in Canada was still there if I wanted or needed to return. I was not announcing a move, or giving a definite answer about where I would spend the rest of my life.

Asked what I would do differently about moving to England, my answer was probably nothing. Everything I had gone through had brought me to where I was. That included feeling frightened at the beginning and, years later, being able to take a train to meet a friend for coffee. I valued how ordinary that journey had become.

Watch my November 2021 questions and answers.