piss off the English

Going back to Canada can make my English life feel strange all over again. I slip into habits that seem ordinary around my friends and family, then return to England and catch myself doing something that lands differently here. Interrupting someone is one of them. Once I noticed how often we talked over each other in Canada, I couldn’t stop noticing it.

I’ve lived in England for almost ten years, and “you all right?” can still throw me. My North American instinct is to give a proper answer. The person greeting me probably wasn’t asking for quite that much information.

Watch my video about habits that can annoy the English.

A greeting isn’t always a question

In North America, “are you all right?” sounds to me like someone is concerned. My reaction is to explain that I’m fine, or describe what’s going on. In England, the casual “you all right?” is often a polite greeting, with something as brief as “yeah, you?” expected in return. They aren’t looking for my life story.

I understand the difference. It still doesn’t come naturally. I wonder how many more years it will take before my first reaction catches up with what I know.

Interrupting has a similar gap between intention and reception. With my Canadian friends and family, it can happen because everyone’s excited to talk and eager to share something, rather than because someone wants to be rude. Back in England, I’ve caught myself interrupting and realised what I’d done. Enthusiasm doesn’t make the interruption disappear.

My mom will find the dog

I get my love of dogs from my mom. On a walk in our Ontario neighbourhood, she saw a dog halfway up someone’s long driveway, walked over to pet it and ended up chatting to the owner, who was gardening. She was perfectly comfortable doing that. I can’t imagine doing the same where I live in Kent.

I’ve found people here in the south more reserved and private, so walking up and touching a stranger’s dog without asking feels wrong. It’s a difference my mom notices whenever she visits.

I had another day out with a friend and her dog when two women separately asked whether they could pet it. One approached while I was watching the dog outside a shop, and another came over later at a cafe. Both apologised for interrupting, gave the dog some attention and thanked us afterwards. They both had North American voices, although I couldn’t tell whether they were Canadian or American. That made sense to me. We do love petting dogs.

When a chat is welcome

I used to interpret the reserve I noticed in southern England as people being standoffish. Now I think it can come from politeness, from not wanting to bother somebody. I wouldn’t launch into a long conversation with a stranger here unless they gave me clear signs that they wanted one.

In Canada I’ve had full conversations with cashiers, people in queues and people out walking. On one shopping trip with friends, the shop was empty and we chatted with the cashier for perhaps ten minutes, maybe less. As we left, she thanked us and said she’d needed that little chat after a weird day. It was a really nice interaction.

That doesn’t mean I want a conversation on every shopping trip. Sometimes I want to run into Sainsbury’s, use the self-checkout and leave. I just notice that those longer conversations with strangers happen less in my life here.

Compliments and the volume around me

When my family went to a Jays baseball game in Toronto, my mom wore a special jersey and several people stopped her to say they loved it. That sort of open compliment feels ordinary to me in Canada. In England, I’ve found too much praise can make people embarrassed or seem insincere. Affectionate banter can sit more comfortably than a very enthusiastic compliment.

Volume is another difference I’ve noticed. Once, while walking down a fairly quiet pedestrian street with an American friend, I felt embarrassed by how loudly her voice carried. Other people were talking among themselves, and her voice stood out against that quieter background. She was a lovely person. It was the volume that didn’t fit.

My suggestion is to listen to the people around you and adjust. That’s something Canadians can need to do too. A habit that blends into one conversation can become very noticeable in another.