Canadian tries the most POPULAR British biscuits! 🍪

I went to the supermarket for a British biscuit taste test and bought far too many. Once I started picking up packets, I couldn’t stop. There were familiar biscuits, ones I’d never tried and a Tesco assortment that brought four more varieties into the argument. It was 10am when I opened that pack. Breakfast had taken a turn.

I was supposed to be finding my favourite. Instead, my April 2023 taste test produced an unreasonable number of perfect scores, crumbs everywhere and one very clear last place. My scores used whatever denominator appealed to me at the time, so please don’t treat them as a scientific ranking. The original video also includes an Emma sponsorship segment.

Some biscuits need a cup of tea

I started with an original McVitie’s Digestive, without chocolate. It’s a solid biscuit, but eating it on its own reminded me how much I want a drink with it. I found it dry and a bit boring. With a cup of tea and something to dunk it into, I could see the appeal. Alone, it got four out of eight.

The malted milk biscuit from the Tesco assortment fell into a similar category. It was plain enough that I wanted to dip it into something, although I thought it was a little less dry than the Digestive. There seemed to be a bit more air in it. I gave it three out of six glasses of milk. Again, this scoring system was not going to withstand scrutiny.

The assortment’s shortcake biscuit was less successful. I thought it needed dunking, preferred the malted milk and found it difficult to get excited about a plain biscuit once I’d tasted the cream-filled ones. That isn’t a verdict on shortbread, which I love and hadn’t included in this test. Shortcake got one out of six. I kept forgetting its name, which probably tells you how enthusiastic I was.

Maryland chocolate chip cookies did better. They looked tiny after the larger biscuits, but I liked the crisp texture, the way they crumbled without falling completely apart and the amount of chocolate. I kept slipping back into calling them cookies. Nine out of eleven seemed fair at the time.

The cream-filled biscuits were difficult to beat

Then I tried a custard cream. Suddenly, the plain biscuits had a problem. I liked the biscuit outside, the creamy filling and the balance between the two. There wasn’t too much cream or too little. I called it a perfect biscuit and gave it five out of five. At that point, it was my favourite.

The bourbon cream made the decision harder. It had the same combination I was enjoying: a crunchy biscuit outside and a tasty filling in the middle. Seven out of seven. Was it better than the custard cream? I honestly couldn’t choose. I wouldn’t have turned down either of them.

I’d wanted Jammie Dodgers but couldn’t find them in the Tesco I visited, so I bought Fox’s Jam ‘n’ Cream instead. I normally don’t like jam in sweets and wasn’t expecting much from this one. The biscuit, cream and jam combination surprised me. It was delicious. Eight out of eight, and another supposed perfect biscuit joined the pile.

The Lotus Biscoff cream biscuit had a noticeably harder, louder crunch than the other cream-filled biscuits I’d tried. I didn’t know why its texture was different, but I liked it. It earned another eight out of eight. Fox’s Golden Crunch Creams followed with a different biscuit texture around a vanilla-flavoured cream that I thought was particularly good. They got five out of five as well. Choosing one winner was becoming ridiculous.

Hobnobs still had my loyalty

I tried milk chocolate Hobnobs, too. I love that oaty texture with the chocolate on one side. I’m fairly sure I’d taken Hobnobs home to Canada before and my family had demolished them within a couple of days. We are a Hobnob family. This version got three out of three oats, which was another way of saying I loved it.

The Nice biscuits were new to me, despite seven years in the UK. The packet promised a crisp, coconutty biscuit. I couldn’t taste much coconut, but I liked the crispness and the flavour reminded me a little of shortbread. Not as good as shortbread, but still enjoyable. Six out of eight for a biscuit I hadn’t even known to look for.

Then came Jaffa Cakes. I included them in the taste test, and I hated them. The lack of crunch, the chocolate-orange flavour, the dark chocolate and the texture all worked against them for me. Whether someone wants to count them as a cake or a biscuit didn’t improve the experience. They were easily my least favourite thing on the table.

The useful result wasn’t a tidy league table. I’d found several cream-filled biscuits I loved, confirmed my loyalty to Hobnobs and learned that the plain ones made more sense to me with tea. Fox’s jam biscuits were the biggest surprise because I’d expected the jam to put me off. Jaffa Cakes can stay with somebody who appreciates them. I’ll happily take the custard creams.

Watch my full British biscuit taste test on YouTube.