expat in the uk

I was lucky enough to visit the UK several times before moving here. That gave me some idea of the country, but it didn’t show me what my life would be like once I was working. Six years into living in England, I could look back at how naive I’d been. Much of my new life was going to be spent at work. Sometimes, working sucks.

The part that doesn’t look like an adventure

Especially when I first moved to England, there were many mornings when I commuted to work on the bus in the dark. Then I’d have a really tough day, stressful, anxious and tiring. At the end of it, I’d walk to the bus stop in the dark again. Naturally, it was raining. For some reason my bus just wouldn’t show up. I didn’t know why. I could be standing there for half an hour, maybe even an hour, after a day when I was already done.

The bus journey home could take another half an hour to an hour, depending on traffic. By the time I got home, I was cold and wet. I’d make a depressing dinner, maybe have a hot shower, go to bed and wake up to do it again. Those were experiences of living in England too. They weren’t travelling around my new country or having exciting new experiences. They were the working life that occupied so much of my time.

That wasn’t every day. There were days when work was wonderful, the sun shone, my bus arrived on time, and I had fun experiences and new things to do. I wanted to remember both. Looking back, I was partly talking to my younger self: knowing how much of life would involve working, including the rubbish days, would have helped my expectations.

A feed doesn’t show the whole life

I understood why someone interested in moving abroad would follow people who’d already done it. Instagram, a blog or a YouTube channel could give you a look at the country you were thinking about. But I thought it was important to remember how much wasn’t being shown. People didn’t necessarily post the really negative stuff. A fabulous-looking feed could make living abroad seem like a perfect life, even when you knew a feed wasn’t the whole picture.

Homesickness, heartbreak, feeling lonely or isolated, and dealing with red tape belonged in that picture too. Following someone could be useful, including following my channel, but it couldn’t show everything about being a foreigner. I thought reminders mattered because it was easy to look at what someone put forward and want that life. The difficult bits could be missing from the posts, while still being part of the experience.

Changing countries hadn’t automatically changed me either. I’d been anxious in Canada, and I was anxious in England too. Now I was also out of my comfort zone in a foreign country, trying to find a job and make my way in life. Moving could feel exciting and like a fresh start, but my own anxiety had come with me. I hadn’t become a different person just by arriving somewhere new.

Staying wasn’t the only possible outcome

One possibility I hadn’t even considered before moving was that being an expat might not suit me. Someone could put courage, money, time and planning into a move, get there and discover they didn’t like the country they’d chosen or didn’t like being a foreigner. I didn’t think admitting that should count as a failure. Recognising that something wasn’t for you took courage as well.

I’d learned that I would rather admit something wasn’t working and change course than keep putting time and money into it just because I’d already invested so much. That was a possibility worth considering with a move abroad too. Excitement was good, but it didn’t guarantee that the experience would suit everyone. I hadn’t thought about that possibility for myself before moving to the UK.

For me, the positives of living in England outweighed the negatives. I was still here after six years, and I wasn’t going to pretend there weren’t difficult parts. Other people might find that the balance went the other way, and I thought that was okay. My own balance included both the wonderful days and the wet, dark bus-stop evenings. Visiting beforehand had been useful, but living and working here showed me much more.

Watch what I had wrong about life as an expat.